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Monday, 22 December 2008

Currently
Because of the Times
By Kings of Leon
Closer
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Pig!

Hey Girls <3
So here is my update, I don't think that I've been doing so well. I haven't worked out for two days and I feel dreadful. I'm at my grandmothers house for Christmas and it seems to me that all people do is EAT EAT EAT! I've been fairly good but every day I have a lapse, I feel like I do so well but there is always one thing that I wish that I could have changed. Yesterday I had a small bag on candy corn (big mistake), today I only ate beans and lean turkey and then I had 4 cookies. At least I went to the gym but I still feel horrendous.
Another random fact my ex boyfriend (who I was with for 2 years) messaged me out of the blue yesterday saying "I love you and I always will, never forget this". I was shocked! I've been with my current boyfriend for a year and a half but this made me think of him and that maybe we are meant to be. I can't stop thinking about him now. To make things worse, my boyfriend is coming to see me in a week so I won't be able to blog and I'm worried that I will be thinking about my ex. Whenever I'm with my boyfriend I eat. He's quite fat and doesn't work out, eats whatever he wants and doesn't want to do any outdoor activities that can burn calories. I hate it! My ex really liked working out and staying in shape. OH LORD!
I hope that everyone is prepared for Christmas!
Hugs and kisses xoxox
Posey

Wednesday, 17 December 2008

I don't quite know what is wrong with me today. I've had this feeling in the pit of my stomach recently where I just feel like something is not right. My life feels like a puzzle with a missing piece and I dont know what it is not right, I have had a lot of problems recently with bitchy girls, I dont understand why people say such unkind things. I don't mind if people dislike me but why do people waste their time talking about me and my family in such a horrible and damaging way. I want a better life for myself, I want better friends, a better body, a more beautiful face. I just don't want to wait any longer to reach my goals. I've wanted this for so long and it is just never happening. I just needed to get that all out of my system.
Anyway so today I spent an hour in the gym with a trainer and she killed me but is nice to know that I am doing something positive. I didn't do so well with eating today though, tomorrow I have another training session so hopefully I can get my eating on par.
B: Chai Latte with soy milk (I think that these have lots of sugar...is that true?)
L: A bowl of Grits
D: Veal Scalloppini with Broccoli and Potatoes (I feel like such a PIG)
Snack: MORE GRITS! and peach juice
I think that I must have eaten about 1300 calories today. I hope that I burnt off about 500 at the gym but I still feel like a heffer. I haven't eaten red meat for the longest time and today I was just CRAVING it! I am seriously considering going vegan but I need as much protein as I can get to boost my energy levels.
Anyway,
Let me know how you are all getting along. I wish you strength and happiness over the holidays!
Hugs and kisses
xoxo Posey

Sunday, 14 December 2008

So I just recently saw pictures of a girl called Petra Ecclestone. I find her so gorgeous, she has a body to die for and the BEST hair and tan. Its not fair, this girl has it all!
Dying for Perfection

I can't help but wonder if I will ever be happy with myself. I feel like i'm a work in progress and until I've reached where I want to be I'll never be perfect and I'll never be happy. In an ideal world I want:
To be 50kgs
Long healthy chocolate brown hair (right now i'm dark blonde)
Perminantly tanned skin
I guess in order to improve this that I just need to work out like crazy and stop eating so much, go to a solarium twice a week and get darker hair and extensions. I wish it was that easy! So its my birthday in February and I want to have lost almost 10kgs by then. I know that its a lot but I won't be happy at my birthday under the current weight that I am right now. My problem is that I HAVE TO EAT TO FUNCTION, if I skip breakfast I get so dizzy and start feeling sick and then I don't want to do anything all day and the worst part is that I end up snacking just after dinner. I have to find a way to eat 3-4 times a day but eat things that I can easily burn off and more during one gym session.
Yesterday I had this amazing saffron soup with fish and shellfish which I figure can't have been too bad for me, for dinner I had a bowl of cereal (kashi) with rice milk and lots of green tea. I suppose that isn't too bad maybe thats about 600 calories?
Anyway I'm going to go and work out so I can step towards my goal.
I hope that you are all doing ok, I've missed hearing from you!
xoxo Posey

Sunday, 07 December 2008

Hey Everyone!
Its been FOREVER since I last blogged and I wanted to apologise. My internet at home hasn't been working for the longest time and its still not fixed! I can't begin to tell you how irritating it is. Anyway I'm in America right now and I love it here; you guys have EVERYTHING!
So the past two or three weeks I've been feeling really depressed so my diet has kind of gone off the rails. I get into these really deep depressions now and then where I don't want to see anyone, speak to anyone or leave my room. I just stay in bed and eat whatever there is and watch television. I didn't go to my training or ANYTHING! I bought some new jeans the other day and a 27 is now tight on me....I'm disgusted!
Since I've been in the states (I've been here for three days now) I have eaten:
-NO CARBS WHATSOEVER
-No red meat
-No sugar
-No cows products (the only dairy I have had is feta cheese and goats cheese)
-Lots of water
-Lots of fruits and salad
I am going back to London in two weeks and my boyfriend has been saying that he really wants me to have supermodel body which I want MORE THAN ANYTHING. So in the next two weeks i'm going to just eat salads, some protein (chicken, fish, turkey) and fruit and I've organised a trainer for 5 days a week. I'll have about 9 sessions with her and the days that I dont see her I will bike ride, walk, workout. I am DETERMINED NOW! I know I may not see the results I want but I figure in 2 weeks I can probably lose about 3 or 4kgs and then hopefully by the time I start university again (in February) I will be down 8-10. My goal weight is about 52kgs, right now i'm about 63kgs. I HATE IT!
I've also started to take supplements which will help my digestion so that my food doesn't just hang out in my stomach.
How have you all been? I've missed hearing from you!
Peace and Love
xoxo Posey
PS. How has Nicole managed to get so skinny again....I need her secret!